If you’re looking to get hitched, you’re in the right place.
I love helping single ladies raise the bar, so they are ready to find their perfect mate.
However, before you jump right in and start swiping your favorite dating app, here are some of the biggest mistakes women make.
If you’re not careful, these mistakes could cost you a lot of wasted time, heartache, and pain.
Trust me, I know! This list comes straight from my personal experience. There’s a reason I didn’t get married until I was 32 years old – I made the mistakes, so you don’t have to.
Let’s dive right in…
#1: You Date a Guy Who isn’t Christian
You love everything about him. He’s super-cute, smart, has a good job, comes from a great family, and his friends are amazing – and did I mention how cute he is?
The only thing missing is he isn’t a Christian.
Do any of these sound familiar
- He checks all the boxes….except the God one.
- He’s not a Christan yet? But he has so much potential and seems so open to it.
- He acts more Christian than some of my friends who claim to be.
Yup. Been there; done that x4.
Fast forward, If I had a nickel for every time I heard one of those excuses from a single gal, I’d own a yacht in the Caribbean {a girl’s gotta dream}.
Hear my heart. I love you too much to stay silent on the sidelines.
Followers of Christ have no business getting into a relationship with any man who does not claim the same.
Period.
End of story.
Why are we even talking about this?
It’s like seeing someone smoking in their car with the windows up – how is this still happening?!?!
Oops, did I just type that out loud?
Sorry, not sorry!
Time to get back to the basics. Let’s not overlook this foundational principle. God knows the struggle is real {you are not alone}. That’s why He was very clear in scripture –
“Don’t become partners with those who reject God. How can you make a partnership out of right and wrong? That’s not partnership; that’s war. Is light best friends with dark”?
2 Corinthians 6:14 MSG
Buckle up, buttercups; it’s about to get raw and real….
Don’t be deceived; fooling yourself into thinking your unbelieving boyfriend is an exception to the rule.
He’s not!
And the longer you entertain this type of relationship, the harder it will be for you emotionally to break it off. Before you blink, you’ll be walking down the aisle – blinders on to the battle that rages ahead.
Not on my watch!
How you can protect yourself:
Here’s what Dating a Christian looks like…
Make it a Must
Dating a Godly man has got to become non-negotiable in your top must-haves for a mate. No exceptions. Period. And next time, Mr. Cutie Pie comes along and tries to woo you with his charm and swagger. Walk away. No strike that. Run Forest, Run!
Find the Fruit
It’s one thing to profess faith in God. It’s next-level business to make it a lifestyle that bears fruit. Because I know you want God’s best, here’s a list of questions to help you make good choices?
- Does he have his own relationship with God?
- Does he spend time in God’s presence?
- Does he know the word?
- Does he listen and obey God’s Word?
- Does he seek God throughout the week or only on Sundays?
- Can you see fruit in his life that points others to Christ?
- Does he surround himself with other believers?
Trust God
It’s God’s desire for you to be equally yoked. Therefore, believe God will provide. And trust His timing – it’s always perfect and always worth the wait.
If you want a Godly husband, you gotta date a Godly man.
#2: You Don’t Love Yourself
Looking back, I can see how insecure I was in my relationships. My identity, acceptance, and worth were wrapped up in whichever guy I was dating at the time.
Here’s how you can tell if you are doing the same:
Do you make excuses for his behavior?
Are you making unhealthy compromises?
You aren’t your true self around him?
Before proceeding into any relationship, we must first flip the switch and look inward at ourselves.
Listen to one of God’s greatest commands…
‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’
Mark 12:31
Simply put, we cannot give what we don’t possess.
If we want to love others well {aka Prince Charming} – we must first learn to love ourselves.
Easier said than done.
If we aren’t confident in our identity in Christ, our relationships will suffer from:
Comparison – never quite measuring up.
Jealousy – rarely trusting.
Compromising – anything to be loved and accepted
We all battle with lies and insecurities at some point; none of us are immune. But God has given us everything we need to defend ourselves.
The victory is ours – if we use his weapons: His truth, His word, His power.
How you can protect yourself:
Here’s a glimpse of what loving yourself looks like…
Believe God is who He says He is
Take your eyes off the guys and look to God instead. Invest in knowing God and making Him known.
Believe you are who God says you are
You are beautiful and by design. You were made for a purpose and with a purpose. That includes all your quirky and clever nuances that make you uniquely you. You are a one-of-a-kind masterpiece.
Raise the bar
Expect more from your man – and yourself. Believe you are worthy of a man who can be the Spiritual leader in your relationship – just as God intended.
Still not sure who God says you are? I made this handy-dandy Daily Declaration to help remind you. Download it here.
Once you learn to love yourself…. then you are free to truly love others well.
#3: You Think a Man Will Make You Happy
When I dated before becoming a believer – I would fall hard. I was an all-in kind of girl. I’m talking about dropping my friends, quitting my job, and moving across the country x3. I would kiss life as I knew it goodbye as my world became their world.
Forget Jerry McGuire! Your man doesn’t complete you – He makes you more like Jesus.
It’s important to stand {walk, and run} on your own two feet before dating. I’m not saying you have to be perfect. But if you find yourself needing a man to make you happy, perhaps your identity is still not clear, established, or fully activated?
What is your purpose? What are your God-given gifts and talents? Who has God created you to be? What has God called you to do?
Those are questions worth pursuing before meeting your mate. Your fulfillment, impact, strength, and joy in life lie within those answers.
If you enter into a relationship {even with a Godly man} before you’ve uncovered who you are in Christ, the results could derail you from your purpose.
It means you will rely on your man to do the heavy lifting for you, make you happy, and give you purpose and a reason to live. That’s just too much pressure for one man to bear, and it’s not sustainable.
You are better off hitting the pause button on dating and becoming obsessed with knowing God.
How you can protect yourself:
Here’s a glimpse of what happiness looks like –
You Level-up
Most women have a list of what they are looking for in a guy. For some, it’s a physical list in a journal. Others tuck it away in their hearts, hopes and dreams.
Regardless, the lists are all filled with extraordinary, wonderful, and great traits we want in a soulmate.
Start becoming the kind of girl who will attract that kind of guy.
If you want a Godly man – become a Godly woman.
If you want a healthy man – start tending to your temple.
If you want a leader – start serving.
If you want him to be rich – start giving.
If you want him to have a good job – find your purpose.
If you want him to have good friends – start being a good friend.
You get my point.
You’ll be so happy living your life! Chasing after Jesus is a sure-fire way to fill any void, lack, or emptiness you may be feeling flying solo.
You find Joy in Jesus
His word promises…
Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.
James 4:8
Rest assured, as you spend your time passionately pursuing God; He will reveal who He created you to be. That is a good investment of your time. One that will leave an eternal mark on you, your future husband, and the world around you.
Make peace with patience
What if waiting was a test to see how you will respond while you wait? What if what we DO while we wait is as important as what (or who) we are actually waiting for?
God can’t wait to pour out his blessings over our lives. It’s part of his nature and character – to love us. But, God wants us to be ready.
Today you are in training for tomorrow’s promise. It’s time to get ready. Wait with purpose, live with expectation, and be intentional with your time while you wait.
Passionately pursuing God leads to unspeakable JOY – better than any happy you can clap along to.
What now?
There you go. Now you understand some of the most common mistakes when looking for a mate.
Avoid these three mistakes and save yourself a ton of time and a world of hurt.
And remember, a guy’s job isn’t to make you happy. It’s to make you more like Jesus!
If you would like my help navigating single life and dating, click this link and we can book a call to see if my mentorship would be a good fit for you.
